That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize