Girls should come with a carfax report
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
