this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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