we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize