I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
tell your sister to shave her snatch
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
