just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
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Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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