Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
