So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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