She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
