so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
