If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
