His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
