distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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