Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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