the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
