So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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