i wish semen tasted like chocolate
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
