Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My dick has a subreddit
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
