i jhust puked up my retainher.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
