PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This is my gift to your gina
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
