at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
