how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
then he tried to convert me to islam
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
