that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
