i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
