I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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