even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
