If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
