We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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