dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
