The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
her vagine was all disorganized.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
