Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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