I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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