I feel like abortions should bother me more
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
