ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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