Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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