I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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