I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
