oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
