omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Randomize
