I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
