she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
