i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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