What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
