Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
