she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
