i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's shark week go big or go home
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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