my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
