fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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