I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
