He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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