I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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