Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's like God shit irony all over that family
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
