I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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