No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
