Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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