it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
