hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
