matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
