Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
