so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
