I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
