fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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