he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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