I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
