I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
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Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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