Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
