I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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