cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The air taste purple.
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