Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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