you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
