I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
