He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
