omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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