yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
