i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
