an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
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I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
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Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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