I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
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People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Pooping to opera.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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