it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
