I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
