Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she pinky promised me she was 18
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
