Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
